Trailer Park: “Fast Five” (Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, and Ludacris)
Let’s have a toast for the machismo, fast cars, barely-dressed women, and cringe-inducing dialogue that are all once again on display in this first trailer for Fast Five.
To be fair, we wholeheartedly embrace the cheap entertainment this series consistently offers, and we applaud its multi-racial cast of sub-par actors (this time, Dwayne Johnson joins the returning Vin Diesel and Paul Walker). Seriously, just look at the trailer. We’re seeing everything Hollywood and Complex expects us to fancy: Two dudes jumping out of a whip that’s falling off a cliff, a couple dry-humping while speeding, and bulky meatheads throwing jabs at one another.
Do we really look like a group of simpleminded, violence-loving, and sex-obsessed buffoons? The answer is, obviously, yes. Matter of fact, we can’t wait until this nonsensical action blowout comes out on April 29, so we can continue to live in La La Land while staring at muscle car calendars featuring bikini models.